FDA Warns Againts Products with Steroids

The Food and Drug Administration has warned consumers not to use products marketed for bodybuilding that contain steroids or steroid-like substances, as several companies have been accused of illegally selling products that contain steroids. However, legal use of steroids and growth hormones is still permitted in meat and dairy products, which are enjoyed by 6-foot-tall 12 year olds everywhere.

Smart Shoes Reduce Foot Pain

Researchers have found that smart shoe choices pay off in the long term. A study of 1,000 women revealed that women who had mainly worn comfortable, supportive footwear instead of high heels, cut their risk of foot pain in half, while also greatly reducing their chances of finding a husband.

Facbook to Offer Translation Tool

On Thursday Facebook will make a translation tool available that allows visitors to log in using their Facebook ID and password and broadcast information in other languages. For example, "LOL" will be translated to say, "The American you're emailing is a complete moron."

School Disctrict Makes Lunches from Scratch

More than 80 percent of the nation’s school districts cook fewer than half their entrees from scratch, according to a survey by the School Nutrition Association. A public school in Queens is one of the few to take pride in its cooking, using only the best ingredients to make canned corn, sloppy joes, and chicken-flavored patties.

160 New Species Discovered

Over 160 new species were discovered last year in the Greater Mekong region of southeast Asia, according to a report by the World Wildlife Fund. The discovery of 100 new plants, 28 fish, 18 reptiles, 14 amphibians, two mammals and one bird species highlights the extent of the biodiversity in the region, which will be demolished next week to make way for the new Greater Mekong Walmart.

Radio Stolen from Car in Sink Hole

Vandals in Atlanta stole a radio from a car that was trapped in a sinkhole on Saturday. The thieves, however, ignored the driver's CD collection, which included DJ Jazzy Jeff's Greatest Hits and various Ace of Base B-Sides.

Palin Memoir Won't Name Names

Sarah Palin's much-anticipated memoir now has a title and a new release date. Palin's book will be called "Going Rogue: An American Life," and will reference criticism directed at her during the final days of last year's presidential race. While Palin said she is not going to name names, she said some of her biggest offenders rhyme with "shmady shmurik" and "shmeena shmay."

Tent Communities Spring Up

Dire economic conditions are causing make-shift tent communities to multiply across the U.S. People living in such communities are complaining about the lack of clean water, inadequate waste facilities, and the constant blaring of Phish music.

Woman Robs Six Banks

Police in Connecticut say they have arrested a woman suspected of robbing at least six banks in the past week. According to recent FBI figures, women commit 6.2 percent of bank robberies, up from 4.9 percent in 2002 - just another example of women picking up the slack during tough economic times.

Woman Caned for Drinking Beer in Malaysia

A judge in Malaysia has upheld a court verdict to cane a Muslim woman for drinking beer, news reports said Monday. In the mean time, Miller Brewing Company is pulling its ad campaign that reads, "Through a straw, under a burka - it's always Miller Time."

Researcher Documents Daily Life

Microsoft researcher Gordon Bell is taking the idea of digital memory to an extreme. The 75 year old carries around video equipment, cameras and audio recorders to document every moment of his life. The endeavor is all part of Microsoft’s SenseCam, a device that would hang around a person's neck and automatically capture thousands of daily activities. So far, Bell has 988 hours of Matlock recorded and photos of over 3,200 Denny’s receipts.

Minding Reading Scientifically Plausible

Scientists are one step closer to knowing what you've seen by reading your mind. Having modeled how images are represented in the brain, the researchers translated recorded patterns of neural activity into pictures of what test subjects had seen. The research could someday lead to dream-readers, thought-controlled computers, and terrified boyfriends.

Vick Returns to the Field

Thirty-three months after he last played in a regular season NFL game, Michael Vick returned to the field yesterday. Vick attempted his first pass, a lob to Leonard Weaver, which was overthrown. Disappointed team members later penalized Vick by holding his head under water.

Clinton Global Initiative Honors Pitt

The Clinton Global Initiative has honored Brad Pitt for helping to rebuild hurricane-ravaged New Orleans. So far, Pitt’s “Make It Right” project has completed 13 eco-friendly single-family houses in the city’s Ninth Ward. “That’s great! Thanks, Hollywood,” say the other 999,987 Hurricane Katrina victims who still remain displaced four years later.

Polanski Arrested on Sex Charge

Oscar-winning filmmaker Roman Polanski has been arrested in Switzerland on a decades-old warrant stemming from a sex charge with a 13-year-old girl. Polanski has continuously defended himself over the years, arguing that the girl looked at least 16.

Aggressive Health Care Campaign Begins

White House officials say they have begun an aggressive campaign to line up votes for a health care bill. While email blasts will carry convincing statistics, it’s the door-to-door death panels that are most likely to sway members of congress.

Coffee Vendor Charged as Terror Suspect

A Wall Street coffee vendor has been charged as a terror suspect. Suspicions were aroused about Najibullah Zazi when he was heard saying, “Thank you, come again - hopefully before Thursday.”

Countries Profit Off of Exported Waste

Exporting waste to reduce the costs of environmental clean up has become a vast business. If disposed of in the U.S., waste is taxed or must be disposed of in an environmentally responsible way, whereas when exported to Indonesia, India, or China, it can be dismantled and resold to Americans as children's toys.

Strip Club Offers Gourmet Lunches for Seniors

A strip club in Florida is offering free gourmet lunches to senior citizens. However, while seniors can look at the food all they want, they are not allowed to touch it.

Students Not Phased by H1N1

Despite the pervasive prevention messages around campuses, many students say they're not too concerned about catching the H1N1 virus, as they already have much worse viruses to explain to their girlfriends.

Embryo Mix-Up Discovered

An Ohio woman was given a wrong embryo in an IVF mix-up. The woman said she first noticed something was wrong after spotting a tail during the ultrasound.

CNN: Rain Floods Atlanta

CNN reported today that relentless rain is to blame for Atlanta's recent flooding. Residents were shocked by the news, as they thought it was a drought that had caused the catastrophic water damage to their homes.

TSA Confiscates 13 Million Prohibited Items

Between 2005 and 2006, the TSA confiscated 13 million prohibited items, leaving the department with a surplus of shampoo bottles over 2 oz., and an abundance of clean, silky hair.

'Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs' is Box Office Hit

The animated movie "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs," which includes a giant tub of Jell-O, flying hot dogs, and a monkey, brought in $30.1 million at the box-office this week, proving to kids everywhere that doing drugs really does pay.

Damon Got Doughy for Informant

Matt Damon says he had to get 'doughy' for film “The Informant.” Tom Arnold says he’s disappointed that Damon was chosen, as he’s been preparing for the role for years.

Strange Lights Seen in Northeast

NASA said strange lights seen in the Northeast on Saturday were caused by an experimental rocket, while the little men walking around the area were due to lax border controls.

Kid Shatters Guitar Hero Record

A 12-year-old boy scored 1,019,000 in the video game Guitar Hero, shattering world records. “I’ve never expected to break the world record for something that was like, kind of important.” He said, adding, “And I hope to do that some day.”

Guinness World Records 2010 Released

The Guinness World Records 2010 edition was released today with categories that include Longest Ear Hair, Biggest Rubber Band Ball, and People Who Really Need a Hobby.

Girlfriend Dating Cardboard Cutout

Anne Schollard, of Jacksonville, is dealing with her boyfriend being overseas by taking a cardboard cutout of him everywhere she goes. Schollard says her paper-mate reminds her of Staff Sgt. Patrick Thomas in that he looks great, but lacks depth.

West Apologizes to Swift

Kanye West called Taylor Swift with a "very sincere" apology Tuesday for interrupting her acceptance speech at Sunday's MTV Video Music Awards, Swift said. Swift then interruped West's apology with a very sincere, "F#@k you!"

H1N1 Vaccine Approved

The Food and Drug Administration has approved applications from manufacturers to make the H1N1 flu vaccine, the secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services said Tuesday. She assured the public that the departmnet, "will have enough vaccine available for everyone," later adding, "who owes me money."

Allergies Interfere with Sexual Activity

According to a new study, 83 percent of people with allergies reported that their condition prevented sexual activity. Researchers reported that their allergies were generally triggered when their spouses said something stupid.

Gender Testing Ordered for South African Runner Caster Semenya

Authorities have required South African runner Caster Semenya to get gender testing done after she blew away the competition at last month’s IAAF World Track & Field Championships in Berlin. While Semenya's running time raised initial speculations, it was her constant references to Sports Center that finally prompted the testing.

Obama Adds Tariffs to Chinese Tires

President Obama has added tariffs to some Chinese tires…mainly the one with holes in them.

Homeless Women Inspired by Blog

A blog has helped a homeless woman turn her life around. Tara Reid credits Perez Hilton for the inspiration and plans to stop doing drugs completely, after this next hit.

Jobless Rate Up for 30-Somethings

The jobless rate for people between 30 and 34 has nearly doubled in the past 12 months. Coincidentally, video game sales are skyrocketing.

Joe Wilson Shouts at Obama

Representative Joe Wilson recently shouted at President Obama during his speech on healthcare reform. Sources say Wilson though it was the request portion of the presentation, and simply wanted to hear “Freebird.”

Chris Brown Lashes Out at Oprah Winfrey

Chris Brown is lashing out at Oprah Winfrey for remarks she made about his assault on Rihanna. He invited her into his silver Lamborghini to settle matters once and for all.