The Obama administration is taking credit for jobs created on dozens of wind farms that were actually built during the Bush administration. Meanwhile, the Bush administration is still taking credit for annihilating Iraq to get back at Osama bin Laden.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, diabetes cases are projected to double or triple by 2050 – and so is McDonald's new quadruple pounder!
Ford Motor plans to equip its trucks with the first ever back-seat safety belts with built-in air bags. Meanwhile, Toyota's latest safety initiative involves telling passengers to cross their fingers.
Rev. Sun Myung Moon, a self-proclaimed messiah, offered blessings to 7,200 couples who exchanged marriage vows in a mass wedding. Unfortunately most of those couples will divorce when they realize their partners are in a cult.
Residents of Iztapalapa, Mexico have set the record for the world's biggest enchilada, weighing in at 1-ton. They then set the record for world's biggest release of methane gas.
Over 134 tons of marijuana was burned during Mexico's largest seizure of the drug. Onlookers cheered, and then headed to Iztapalapa to eat the world's biggest enchilada.
A Yale University fraternity has been accused of directing pledges to chant obscenities against women. A spokesperson for the fraternity assured people that once pledges become members, they're only told to say such chants on the inside.
A new brown-skinned muppet in a pretty pink dress has been created to help African American girls accept themselves just the way they are, much like Grover has given self esteem to millions of Avatars.
James Cameron unveiled a new opening scene for an extended cut of Avatar for DVD, which features life in future earth, where it's crowded, polluted, and full of advertising. The new cut also reaveals that Cameron needs to get out more.
Justice Clarence Thomas' wife asked Anita Hill for an apology in the hopes of "extending an olive branch" about Hill's sexual harassment allegations against her husband. Hill said the only thing she'd like to extend to Mrs. Thomas is her fist.
The Vatican newspaper, L'Osservatore Romano, has declared that Homer Simpson is Catholic. The paper also declared that Mr. Burns is Protestant and named Duff beer the official beverage of the Catholic Church.
A recent study from the University of Notre Dame shows that people who work for "green" companies are happier, which explains why employees in marijuana dispensaries are always smiling.
The Jet Blue flight attendant who told off passengers and grabbed beer before leaving the plane has agreed to counseling and substance-abuse treatment, as long as both facilities have inflatable slides.
According to new research, nearly 17% of U.S. medical costs can be blamed on obesity. The other 83% can be blamed on Dick Cheney.
Justin Bieber was sent away from a laser tag game after allegedly striking a 12-year-old boy who called him gay. While Bieber is not gay, witnesses said he does hit like a girl.
Former President Bill Clinton made an appearance at a rally for California gubernatorial nominee Jerry Brown, where the former rivals hugged. Thankfully Clinton stopped short of getting out the cigar.
Thousands of Germans have asked Google to delete their properties from its Street View mapping service. However, thousands more have asked for an even closer view of David Hasselhoff's house.
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